The Life of Monday or Tuesday*
I spent the majority of one April Saturday believing I was living a Sunday.
A zesty, peaceful Sunday. It was eight hours into this Sunday as I was brushing my teeth (idle, disoriented humaning) and looking forward to that tomorrow that sudden, shear out-of-touch perplex waved into me.
It’s not that it mattered what day it was or would be. It was the few second experience of true timelessness, induced by my incapability to decode my disarray.
I’m not sure that true timelessness can function in a Western schedule bound by weekdays, coffee dates and career goals, and I by no means demonize this. I think time is a wonderful tool and an ally who kindly accepts manipulation as soon as you establish dominance.
As always, it is about the in betweenness. The unique shade of grey you pick out for yourself. Your clock, your awareness of it. Your control tactics.
Personally, my calendar is an extension of myself. You could separate me from it as easily as you could suggest I detach my kneecaps and hand them over. It is obsessively colour coordinated and forever kept up to minute. Because I like to observe where I pay my time. My calendar holds me back and anxiousifies me just as much as it brings me closer to private greatness.
I recently discovered a quirky podcast called ‘Make Art Not Content’ by Father Bronque which reminded me that personal success relies entirely on protecting my energy. There exists the endless loop of drainers and refills and there exists the turning wheel of limitlessly supplied juice already within me.
Before every activity, I must ask myself simply and concretely: ‘is this making my wheels turn faster ?’** (I would replace faster with ‘efficiently’ but I fear it might be less catchy). And it must ! Everything I choose to do must. Drainage holes are inevitable, and I don’t even want to avoid them because I vow to refill abundantly. But I hate that cycle and it must be kept under control.
Secondly reminded, what is most important is growing and this happens both outside and inside of comfort. You mustn’t listen to gurus whose neck muscles burst as they scream at you to try harder and scare yourself to greatness. Keep your wheel turning. Protect it ! Do what you need to do and do it all the time.
Perhaps then, time will be a trick up your sleeve instead of a ruthless puppet master.
** IS THIS HELPING MY WHEELS TURN FASTER ?
Is this fuelling me ?
Is this inspiring me ?
Is this allowing me physical / mental / emotional rest ?
Is this teaching me something (whether it be a skill or a school of thought) ?
And am I taking it in ?
Am I enjoying this ?
Am I outside of my comfort zone in a constructive and not destructive way ?
Is this new and shaking up my stereoscope ?
Is this what I need right now or should I leave it for later ?
Am I doing this for the right reasons ? Is this for me ?
Would I still be doing this is there was no material incentive ?
Would I still be doing this if I was aware I had limited days left on Earth ?
*‘Monday or Tuesday’ by Virginia Woolf
