on admitting dreams, WITHERING SELF WORTH

In university I went to an after-hours music business bootcamp by Mike Mcnally, where music clicked for me at a time where I had never yet considered pursuing it professionally. He taught us the principles of selling music as a product without forsaking its artistic integrity, and pointed out the downfalls of a common misconception that talent is something found. That most of us were here waiting for the chosen ones to be picked out amongst an abundance of green eyed destinies.

You know the scene where you are so shy but your friends push you onto the open mic stage and amidst your timid limelight avoidant hum an a&r from Universal walks in and sees through your unwillingness to shine.

But there is not hand of god, there is only the work you put in.

And luck, some might see the divine intervention of the hand reaching down and pointing at you as simple luck, entitled luck. You are the one, YOU get to live your dream - maybe not something holy but something improbable and necessitating so much dare.

There’s also something else I still don't have the answer to and suppose I never will - years and years and years of recorded art pre exists, what could I possibly have to contribute that could be new and fresh and unsaid? Who am I to add to this glorious pile?

My only reasoning is that what the world needs is for everyone to hear and respect their calling, their truth, and the simplest way to put it is I know and I know and I know that this is my purpose. I have always healed through words - hearing someone else’s, reading them, writing them, sharing them aloud... I heal myself through my words and through finding the courage to sing, deep belly vulnerability under bright lights. And if someone who heals the same way resonates and finds the right song at the right time, well then here you go I have achieved my purpose through my calling.

Selfishly, the only logic I have behind wanting success by it is to be gifted all my time back to dedicate to my art. The more people on board, the more time and freedom I am gifted to spend creating, and that is my answer. My dream is to have the ability to lay my life and all to creating, and who am I to be the one the finger of god points to? Hopefully, I am the hardest worker and the most tuned into my purpose, that is all.